Only in India . . .
We were talking with David, a student from Kenya, when he said, “Only in India would you see . . .”
We thought it funny that someone from another developing country would use the same phrase that we, ourselves, seemed to say several times a day. Obviously the Indian way is unique! So, in honor of David, we have compiled a list.
Only in India . . .
. . . do waiters considerately dry the bowl of the spoon with their fingers before handing it to you.
. . . does a waiter dip into your fennel seeds and pop a pinch into his mouth, as he brings them to you at the end of a meal.
. . . do you put the money, both paper and metal, into the fennel seed dish, to pay the check in snack shops.
. . . does every dish in a restaurant come with two spoons; even a papadam. For some reason, they never bring a knife, and rarely, a fork.
. . . do you see a boy riding on the back of a motorbike holding a 3 ft. by 4 ft. sheet of bare glass on his legs behind the driver. We saw another one on the back of a motorbike being loaded the same way, with 3 or 4 panes of glass, outside a glass shop.
. . . can you sit, sipping on your chai, on a restaurant patio in the middle of the city, while hearing the cries of the kites (a type of raptor) wheeling overhead. This, in spite of incessant traffic din.
. . . can you walk down the street glorying in the smells of jasmine and frangipani one minute, and be assaulted the next by the noxious odors of an open sewer.
. . . will you see a woman sitting in the mud at the edge of the road selling something, and wearing a beautiful sari, fit for a ball.
. . . do flocks of rose-ringed parakeets fly past your bedroom window in the morning, making a racket chattering to each other as they go, and then fly back the other way in the evening.
. . . do two young men on a tiny moped transport a 400-pound sow, slung on its back across the “V” of the bike in front of the driver. They do tie its legs and snout in an attempt to keep it on the bike.
. . . is there a playschool called “Lips,” with a sign displaying a picture of vivid red ones outside the door.
. . . will you see a sign proclaiming, “we undertake all types of kitty parties.” (They meant “kiddie”.)
. . . do beggars dressed in gorgeous cloth and sparkling things accost you on the street.
. . . can you be riding in an auto rickshaw that is being overtaken by a combine (the only one we ever saw) with a motorcycle strapped to the side.
. . . will a family of five ride at the same time on a motor scooter, and not one of them wearing a crash helmet. How, you ask? Simple. Mom mounted side-saddle on the back holding a baby, the next youngest standing on the seat between mommy and daddy and arms wrapped around daddy’s neck, daddy driving with the oldest standing in front of him and helping him drive. Motor scooters are a common family conveyance.
. . . do you remove your shoes at the door of a dentist office and sit barefoot in the chair, and the dentist assumes you do not want Novocain. You have to yell, and pay extra, for it.
. . . will a doctor pray to a many-armed deity prior to seeing patients.
. . . will you see a picture of a Ganesh on an office wall on one side of a desk, and a picture of a Virgin Mary on the other side, both decorated and garlanded exactly the same way, with little flashing lights around the gaudy silver frame.
. . . can a 12 year old girl marry a 65 year old man, if their horoscopes are compatible.
. . . do women in immaculate saris sit on piles of large rocks, whacking them with small sledge hammers to make gravel.
. . . do 9 year old boys work on construction sites in bare feet and no hard hat. In fact, hard hats are rare for any construction worker. The same goes for foot gear.
. . . does the lowest speed of the ceiling fans produce a moderate gale, and the highest strip the covers off the bed.
. . . do whole families, from the youngest to the oldest, make sticks of incense by hand as sole source of income.
. . . are locks on shop doors the size of small truck tires. They look as if they were used in ancient times to lock up the fortress castle.
. . . are rose-ringed parakeets so common that most people ignore a large tree-full, in spite of the incredible racket.
. . . will a whole state declare a “bandh” (all shops and businesses close for the day) for the death of a movie star. Admittedly, he was pretty special. He lived simply and morally, made family-oriented movies, and gave a lot of money away.
. . . will a boy stick his head in your open window and say, “Hi,” and stand there grinning at you for no reason whatsoever. “Can I help you?” “No.” . . . “Bye,” as he finally tires of staring, and walks away.
. . . will people name their child “Dimple.”
. . . are pay phones mounted outside a house, strapped to a tree with the cord looped through the branches, stood on a low, stone wall, or mounted on any other inconceivable thing.
. . . is a “Coffee Shop” a place where you cannot get a cup of coffee, but can only buy the beans.
. . . would a wedding of two dwarfs be raided by the police for fear it was a child wedding (which do take place here, even though they are illegal).
. . . would you see a pickup truck rolling down one of the busiest streets in the city, with someone in the back attempting to hold down a bunch of 30-foot poles that are sticking out and dragging on the road.
. . . are rose water, rose incense, and real roses very common, and yet they use artificial rose-scented aerosol for a room freshener.
. . . will you see a sign for Knockout beer – “the stronger punch!”
. . . do they have Meety bras and panties, and their arch rival, Sweety.
. . . will a group of three transvestites, all dressed gorgeously, stand in the doorway of a restaurant or shop aggressively and loudly demanding money until they get some. Then they move off to the next business, and thus make their way down the street. It is clear from the faces of the shopkeepers that they don’t like paying, but it seems to be better than ignoring them, as they seem pretty determined to get paid before moving on.
. . .would an elephant escape from the palace grounds and run rampant through traffic, only to hide in a house until finally being tracked down and captured by the police, to be lead docilely back to his home.
. . . will there be a lad balancing a 25-liter jug of water on his head whilst riding a bicycle, and it isn’t a circus act.
. . . is there a cast lower than the sweeper class, or untouchables. This lower cast makes soles for shoes and sandals. They are “always drunk,” according to the shoe shop owner where we attempted to find a pair of sandals to fit Sandra. After three trips back, expecting to pick up the properly made ones each time, we gave up. On the last trip, we waited for 40 minutes for the owner to show up, only to learn that the guy who had made them forgot to bring them, or so he said. We weren’t about to come back again. Just an illustration of why India can be so wearing on you.
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