Auto Rickshaws and Such
Bill writes, Sandra edits
Let me tell you about the auto rickshaws here. No, I can’t do that, yet. First, I need to tell you about the roads.
The roads are paved, mostly. Well, leaving it at that would give you the wrong impression. What I should say is that most of them were once paved, but time and traffic have reduced whole sections of the main ones to pothole hell.
Then, there is the small matter of speed control. On the broken up sections, that is not so much of a problem, as even the large buses and trucks will slow down somewhat. Elsewhere, side streets or main thoroughfares, there is one speed and that is 3F. Now, F is defined as the speed at which a sane person drives, given road conditions and traffic congestion. It is, therefore, quite subjective.
The scale is similar to the Richter scale, and the higher the multiple of F at which one is traveling, the higher the fear factor. So, F could also be considered the measurement of fear experienced by the passenger.
A passenger is, by definition, the one(s) in the vehicle who have NO CONTROL over velocity, brakes, or even horn. Their only recourse is to adjust the SI (Scream Intensity) in proportion to the F level.
One F, or just F, is the level at which there is relatively little inclination to scream. Sharp suckings in of breath, gasps, and involuntary expletives are considered to be consistent at a level of one F. These are only the result of a 2-wheeler darting from a side street into your path, or from bouncing over a speed bump with a full bladder.
2F is where low moaning breaks out fairly continuously, except for the rapid intakes of breath required to prevent fainting. Fainting occurs between 8F and 9F, but there is disagreement among the experts as to whether or not fainting is just an attempt on the part of the passenger to invalidate the F concept altogether.
Spencer Gifton, in the 2000 Athens Auto-rickshaw Marathon, set the official world record of 11F. Unfortunately, he was unable to take advantage of the endorsements and late night talk show circuit which would, no doubt, have followed that spectacular achievement, as it was made all the more so by the spontaneous combustion of both himself and his passenger.
This possibility was theorized in 1998 in a brilliant mathematical thesis by Professor d’Meritous but, at the time, he was scorned by academia and sportscasters alike as being hopelessly romantic.
But, I digress. . .
Seeing as there is little regard for either the letter or spirit of the law, there are only a few options to keep the mayhem as low as possible. Putting cops on every corner is one, but expensive.
No, the obvious choice is to allow the roads to deteriorate to the point where it is physically impossible to speed. This is financially beneficial, in that it saves cop salaries and road repair costs, while simultaneously stimulating the economy through the increased repairs and replacement of vehicles that succumb.
That is well and good, but residential streets don’t get all that much wear. Furthermore, the more heavily traveled roads wear unevenly. For some inexplicable reason, whole, long sections seem to hardly deteriorate at all. Maybe an honest contractor did those sections, or perhaps an application of the chaos theory would explain it. Come to think of it, that might explain a lot of things around here.
The other solution settled upon seems to be speed bumps or, “traffic arrestors,” as they are called. These can be elegant, with a gentle approach rising to a nicely rounded summit and falling off to the original level, or they can be so abrupt that vehicles must come to a complete halt before venturing over, or anything in between. Some have warning signs and some are painted. Most blend in so well with the road that a sixth sense is needed to avoid impressing the head into the roof as you pass over.
Auto-rickshaw drivers seem to have that sixth sense. At least, the ones we’ve had have never hit one harder than he intended. Not that it was necessarily gentle, you understand, just not harder than he intended. Somebody has, though. The tops are scored with grooves, and the road surface on the downstream side also exhibits deep gouges.
The other thing that retards speed, in addition to traffic arrestors and general deterioration, is the occasional ditch across the road. Well, actually more than occasional, especially on the secondary streets. These weren’t supposed to remain ditches. They were cut through the pavement for a waterline, or some such, refilled to the level of the road surface, but never repaved. Over time, traffic and rain have removed enough of the fill to create an inverted speed arrestor.
Ok, now I think I can get back to the auto rickshaws. First of all, people refer to them as “autos,” (as opposed to cars, which are called “4-wheelers”) and I will refer to them as such for the balance of this discourse.
Autos are three-wheeled vehicles powered by a gutless engine; the same motor as used in scooters. At least, the older ones are. The newer ones have just as powerless natural gas engines, which are less polluting, at least.
Auto Rickshaw - lower right
The engine in the auto and scooter (which is the most common form of family vehicle, often seen belting down the road with the man driving, the woman sitting behind, side-saddle, a baby in her arms, a child standing on the seat between her and the man, and an older child in front of the man helping with the steering) burns a mixture of petrol and oil. If the engine is at all out of adjustment, which most are, and it is lugging up a hill (which is the only way they go up a hill), they lay down a fog that puts a rock-concert smoke machine to shame. If all these engines could be eliminated, the pollution levels in India would probably drop by 70 percent.
Autos normally hold two or three people in the back. This is only what they were designed to do. In actual fact there are often 6 or more, if they are young school kids. They seem to have the knack of stacking themselves on each other’s laps without anyone suffocating. Maybe the driver charges the “extra luggage” charge of one rupee per twenty kilos for each person in excess of three.
The driver sits in front on a seat big enough for him and a buddy, who is often there. Unless, of course, there are too many people to fit in the back. In that case, there may be two more, half-sitting or standing beside the driver and hanging out the open sides.
The whole thing is covered by a canvas back and top, but the sides are open. Some will have some plastic to cover the opening on one side of the passenger if it is raining, but that type is rare, and always occupied by someone else when you need one during a tropical downpour.
Autos have no batteries, except for the brand-new, high-end models. We rode in one of those, once. It was at night and even the meter was illuminated. That sure saves on matches!
The power for lights and horn in the rest comes from the engine, and it seems to be pretty minimal. The electric horn sounds like a mosquito on steroids, in a tin can, with some amplification. The volume and pitch is directly related to engine speed.
The headlight, if there is one, is at least as bright as a night light, but only at maximum RPMs. It becomes dimmer as engine speed drops. When the horn is sounded, as it is at every intersection or perceived possible impediment to forward motion, there is not enough power for the light, so it extinguishes altogether. The theory being, I suppose, that it is more important to be heard than seen.
Many auto rickshaws have a “Tijuana Taxi” horn. This is a coiled metal trumpet with a large rubber bulb and mounted on the outside of the auto-rickshaw within easy reach of the driver. They give forth with a loud “BLAT!!” when the bulb is squeezed. Aside from supplementing the electric mosquito mentioned above, they are used in a most endearing way to solicit fares. This is done by driving up quietly behind you, which is not difficult, given the noise level of a typical street, and energetically squeezing the bulb and startling you.
All auto rickshaws have the same paint job – black and yellow, like bumble bees, which they rather resemble, come to think of it. Beyond that, they can be as individual as the drivers want to make them. Some have Indian movie-star posters inside, others are festooned with garlands of flowers or statues of gods, and still others have fancy upholstery.
I got into one “auto” driven by a young man who asked, “Do you like music?” “Sure,” I replied. After I regained consciousness, I realized the pounding Bhangra music washing over me was traveling with us. In fact, the space behind the seat normally reserved for luggage was completely filled with a speaker system that would do a Richmond teen in a Honda Civic proud.
The wheels are about a third the size of those on a Mini Cooper, and the suspension is what could be called, firm. The result is that, no matter how fast you are actually traveling, you usually feel as if it is much too fast.
The drivers range from the honest and friendly to the blatant, but still friendly, cheats. The former will take you where you want to go, using the most direct route. The latter will try to assess how well you know where you are going, in order to determine how circuitous the route can be to increase the fare. Appearing to be knowledgeable and not admitting that you’ve only been in India ten minutes can reduce the amount you are overcharged. And if you are… so what? It will probably be less than a buck. You can afford it.
Auto riding can be exhilarating; even scary, but it is almost always interesting, and never boring. I do wish I could videotape a ride through town and put it on the internet for you. It would be like viewing an amusement park ride.
I would really like to have one, too. It would be cool to be blatting around in one of the new ones. Hot-rod it up a bit, add the big boom box, fox tails on the rearview mirrors and fuzzy dice. It could be the start of a new trend. Now, if I could only convince my wife how happy she would be . . .
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